you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
