Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
