My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
