She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
