The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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