Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
