i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
