I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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