We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
