I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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