Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
