if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Let's paint friendship bongs
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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