I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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