I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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