she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
