Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
