found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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