I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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