You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
