haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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