What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
