you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
