My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
