I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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