I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
