i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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