i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
