she woke up with a sticky ear
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
