i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize