the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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