this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
