Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
