Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
