There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I can tuck mytits in my pants
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
