Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
