My liver just broke up with me...
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
