I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
