I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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