SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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