this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
