Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
