Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
