I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
