I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
