Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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