Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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