Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
