I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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