I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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