thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
