what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
