I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
