Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm experimenting with sincerity
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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