Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
