I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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