Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
