help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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