she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Randomize
