Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
