Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
FUCK WHALES
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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