You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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