My hand turned me down
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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