apparently the secret to your success is patron
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize