My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
