so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
