Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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