She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
