i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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