Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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