Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
