the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
